Relationships have been on my mind in a somewhat objective way. I have so many thoughts, perspectives, questions and comments. I haven't been able to make coherant sense of them yet, so I doubt writing a blog about them is going to bring any more clarity, but here goes anyway...
Firstly, why has the spontanaeity gone right out the window, particularly in Christian circles?! Everything seems to have become so cautious and serious. Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with caution and it is very important not to wear one's heart on one's sleeve, but we are verging on ridiculous. Relationships seem to be at two extreme ends of the scale - either too cautious to be spontaneous or fun, or else people just do not know how to treat each other and break hearts all over the place. What is happening to us?! Whatever happened to good old-fashioned Saturday night dates with laughter, excitement, the pleasure of being walked home? Getting to know one another without the questions of immediate commitment weighing on one shoulder or the fear of being totally abused, hurt and mistreated weighing on the other?! In no way do I mean it is okay to go out with lots of people at once, or kiss random people. If anyone tried to argue against the danger of these things I would suggest they get their glasses checked... but I'm talking about not being afraid to feel things and enjoy the company of each other, and if it develops in a healthy, safe and enjoyable way then great!
Why does so much go unsaid? Honestly, how is anybody meant to get anywhere if nobody is honest. By all means, it's important for people to take their time and figure out if they feel anything and so on, but there comes a point when it should just be put out there. It should not be all about deciphering games. I have to admit I'm pretty traditional on the point that in guy-girl relationships I do feel it should be the guy taking the first steps here - but in a moment of honesty, I genuinely don't know if this is because I actually believe this is the way it should be, or because I would not want to put myself in that position vulnerable to rejection. Sorry guys... girls don't mean to put you there either. We're just under the misconception that you're less scared.
It seems that the careful people (who don't break hearts on purpose) need to get everything in life completely sorted before letting anybody else in. They have to know exactly what they want in a life-partner (which I'm afraid to say, is problematic enough as it is!) and they have to know what they are doing with their futures (which I'm sorry, but God could upturn at any moment). It's like they have to go through so much of the journey before letting someone else join them, rather than letting somebody journey with them (and this is where the beauty is!). There is never gong to be a guarantee that it is all going to go smoothly or work out perfectly, but would it not be better to figure it out together? There is so much about relationships that should be figred out OUTSIDE of them (with the help of mentors, friends, Bible, books etc) but there is a lot that also can only be figured out IN them. Since when did entering a relationship become 'taking the plunge', 'jumping off a cliff', 'walking on hot coals'? Could we be any more negative about something that is actually awesome?!
Another thought I have however is that so many people are trying to find satisfaction for their souls in relationships, and this is undeniably one of the most dangerous elements of relationships there could ever be. They are walking into them without giving it much thought at all, they are giving their partners the place of God in their lives and acting like they're married at far too young an age/far too early a stage in the relationship. If you expect another person to fill the eternal spaces in your soul, they are always going to fall short. Another human being cannot 'complete' you and you are expecting far too much from them if this is what you want. A relationship is about building each other up in love and enjoying the parts of life that you find beautiful together, as well as helpng each other through the pains and trials. It is about supporting one another, not fulfilling one another. There is only One able to fill your soul... and when this relationship is good, the relationships we have here on earth can be healthy and have another wonderful dimension.
Why are we so afraid of each other and ourselves? Why can we not let someone in? Why is that position of vulnerability one of the scariest places to be? And how do we get over it? Why do past hurts leave such callouses? Why does the future have to be so fixed in our minds before it even begins? Why do we use God as an excuse to shut people out or hurt their hearts? And why at other times do we not even consult God?
Here's to enjoying life to the full...
Here's to not leaving things left unsaid...
Here's to not being afraid...
Here's to allowing somebody else to reach our hearts while we let God hold us...
Here's to journeying together...
Here's to FUN...
Here's to relationships...
J
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1 comment:
Amen
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