Enwrapped By What I Hate

It’s hard to tell what’s going on with me,
When I cannot even grasp reality.
I don’t want to be governed by my heart,
But my rationale can’t find where to start.

I remember days when I was better,
I prioritized well – I was so together.
But due to circumstances, everything changes,
And now I go through life feeling deranged,

For my condition there’s no obvious cure;
Spiritually rich but emotionally poor.
I crave acceptance that just will not be,
If I allow people to truly know me.

The danger of course is that I put on a mask –
Each morning this is my very first task.
I ignore the very core of my need,
But my pretence, entrapment and anguish I’ll feed.

I know this has seemed like a sorry tale,
The truth that I simply cannot be real.
Yet I hope for the day when in spite of the crowd,
I can unravel my heart, and of it, be proud.