Skeletons In My Closet

The skeletons in my closet
Are no secret to myself,
But they are working their way out.
Time and time again
They catch me by surprise
And turn everything wrong-side-up,
And upside-down.
Logic turns to liquid,
And righteousness to sinfulness.
When the world starts making sense again,
They show up
With their haunting laughter,
Taunting me with “I told you so”,
Leading me to that all-too-familiar friend
Anxiety.
Who I wish I’d never met.
One day extracts a smile
While another extracts my well-being.
You serve as a reminder
Of my capacity to get things wrong;
And my deep, regretful apology for that.
Please take the handcuffs off,
And loosen up the throat-hold.
Because the more the law-enforcing skeletons
Remind me of my guilt,
The more I hold myself in contempt.
Show me how to forgive myself,
As I have been forgiven.

Of The Heart.

Emotions are Rife
Hearts are being held out for the taking,
And the breaking.
Prolonged glances
Become wishes, desires;
Adventurous and deviant, but pure.
Long conversations
Are being interpreted as
Long, lost loves.
Oh how we settle for less than our hearts deserve.
But then
Our blackened hearts do not
Deserve much after all.
So we will suffer the loss
And cope with the pain
Until such a time when we are no longer alone.
The sun will shine
On such a day.
I must wish you well,
And bid you adieu.
To avoid falling deeper
In love with you.

Daughter

My beautiful daughter,
Tenderly I speak to you
To say
Your conflict is over.
The price has been paid
For every wrong thought, word and deed.
I do not hold you in contempt.
I have forgiven you completely,
And I love you
Unconditionally.
I do not like to see you
So upset.
The flow of this weeping river
Formed by your tears
Must be replaced
By my endless water of refreshment.
I came to you that you might know
Freedom.
From sin,
Guilt,
Shame.
That you could live, move and have your being
In the rhythm of our hearts beating together.
Let me walk you through
Green pastures.
And along the paths that are
Good for you.
Let us enjoy this journey,
Together.
When I am with you, for you, around you;
Who can be against you?
I will protect you,
Lead you and guide you.
I will defend you,
Deliver you,
And sing lovingly over you.
Don’t listen to those words
Of accusation.
Those words are not from me.
I have clothed you in robes of righteousness.
I have cleansed you.
I have covered what was crimson,
With purity as white as snow.
Listen to my truth,
And my truth shall set you free.

Enwrapped By What I Hate

It’s hard to tell what’s going on with me,
When I cannot even grasp reality.
I don’t want to be governed by my heart,
But my rationale can’t find where to start.

I remember days when I was better,
I prioritized well – I was so together.
But due to circumstances, everything changes,
And now I go through life feeling deranged,

For my condition there’s no obvious cure;
Spiritually rich but emotionally poor.
I crave acceptance that just will not be,
If I allow people to truly know me.

The danger of course is that I put on a mask –
Each morning this is my very first task.
I ignore the very core of my need,
But my pretence, entrapment and anguish I’ll feed.

I know this has seemed like a sorry tale,
The truth that I simply cannot be real.
Yet I hope for the day when in spite of the crowd,
I can unravel my heart, and of it, be proud.

A simple truth

One who is forgiven much, loves much.
One who is forgiven little, loves little.

Poem: I Saturate Myself In You

Title - I Saturate Myself In You

My fear is dressed up in fabrics of exhilaration,
And underlying anxiety hopes you won’t notice,
As I saturate myself in you.

Sunlight favourably aims towards you,
As you beautifully radiate its’ rays.
And I am captivated by you.

Your hand gently glides over your coffee-cup,
So intently caressing in its’ movement;
I would dearly love to hold it.

Eyes so penetrating in their gaze,
Making difficulty simple, eroding all my walls –
Look at me once more.

I’m aware that I’m riding on the back of danger,
Bareback into the depths of the unknown,
But it’s all to know you.

The world could fall apart from underneath me,
And the waves consume the highest mountains,
I would still remain in you.

All my attempts to get past you have failed,
And my thoughts refuse to be directed elsewhere,
They’re delightedly fixed on you.

So I allow myself to be rendered senseless,
And permit you to be my fatal distraction,
As I saturate myself in you.

Poem: "Apathy"

Title: Apathy

This Apathy
Is eating me,
Releasing me,
Seizing me.
I’m not free
From Apathy;
It’s haunting me,
Flaunting me,
Like pathology,
And cutting me.
But Apathy
Is psychology
That lies to me,
Numbing me.
The irony
Of Apathy.