The Art of Understanding
I have to be honest with you,
I didn’t get it.
Not at all.
Not even a little bit.
But I tried an ancient trick of old.
Of New.
Of talking to the One who has always been
And always will be.
The one who knows all things;
The portrait of Revelation.
I asked and cried and probed and questioned.
I sought and ran,
Dug and buried.
Running baths to cleanse my soul,
And to spend some time
In everlasting water.
I found some peace.
A little bit of healing.
And a lot of understanding.
Bitterness turned to lemonade
And malice to empathy.
Frustrations are working they way
Towards forgiveness.
Strawberry Jelly takes a while to set.
Step by step,
Inside the One who is Love at its’ finest.
So many nights you spent,
hurting yourself to cope,
longing for a bit of freedom.
A release from being so alone.
Your strength was your weakness,
And your weakness, your strength.
Control at any cost.
You know your Father’s name,
And he increases your bank balance.
How you wish he would increase
your sense of self,
your sense of ‘loveability’.
Oh how that would increse
your love-ability!
You and your mum are bezzies.
What a laugh you have!
Pity you won’t let her
see your night-time tears.
You join in with her feminist rants,
And watch the odd TV programme.
Do you know she loves you?
Where oh where did your assurance
Run to...
That relationship you had
At oh so young an age
Was called manipulation.
Used and abused and misused and confused.
Played for a fool.
You quickly learned how to stop caring.
Took up the building profession, didn’t you?
Everyone everywhere envy your walls.
Or do they just stare at them in
Astonishment and dismay?
The Israelites longed for freedom.
Slaves no longer.
But it was too big a risk -
They longed for the familiar.
No wonder when you find yourself
Amidst the good.
The great.
The godly.
The gracious...
You run.
And long for the familiar.
It hurts, but you can harden yourself.
You’ve learned it,
So you can control it.
You didn’t understand those green pastures too well.
So in this ancient old-new tradion,
Of speaking to Love,
I will hope unswervingly that you find them again,
Regardless of my seeing it or not.
Notice the grace.
Learn the new place that is available for you.
Strawberry jelly takes a while to set.
Bless your soul.
Tuesday, 1 June 2010
Beyond Modern Religion
Beyond Modern Religion
Storing up so many things,
Underneath my barricade-heart.
Often feeling so unhinged,
At a loss with where to start.
Perhaps there is no starting point,
More a mesh of views and thoughts.
In all ways so intricately joint,
Ideas desiring to be caught.
Writing in a consumerist age,
Modern-capital as a foundation.
Ranting of flaws on my objectives page,
Of what might be holy frustrations.
Everything is boxed and labelled and sold,
Even people, beliefs and God.
Loss of reality to a system of cold,
religious, modern, material fraud.
There is still hope, all is not lost,
The Kingdom of justice prevails.
Blessed are those who search for truth,
They find freedom through wood and nails.
Some must have doctrinal foundations,
Theological stances for walls.
Debates, divides, denominations,
And Judgement for any who fall.
Others have learned how to soar,
On the wings of mercy and grace.
No longer the captives of internal war,
Fully alive with both purpose and place.
Don't live captured by everyday-guilt,
Nor shadowed or enslaved by shame
You are covered in His righteousness quilt,
And baptized through His beautiful name.
You're not a heretic because of your thinking,
Nor a heathen because of your doubts.
Your struggles do not mean you're sinking,
And your Father will not cast you out.
Seek first His Kingdom of living hope,
And keep your eyes fixed on above.
Remember no-one is beyond the scope
of His acceptance, mercy and love.
Storing up so many things,
Underneath my barricade-heart.
Often feeling so unhinged,
At a loss with where to start.
Perhaps there is no starting point,
More a mesh of views and thoughts.
In all ways so intricately joint,
Ideas desiring to be caught.
Writing in a consumerist age,
Modern-capital as a foundation.
Ranting of flaws on my objectives page,
Of what might be holy frustrations.
Everything is boxed and labelled and sold,
Even people, beliefs and God.
Loss of reality to a system of cold,
religious, modern, material fraud.
There is still hope, all is not lost,
The Kingdom of justice prevails.
Blessed are those who search for truth,
They find freedom through wood and nails.
Some must have doctrinal foundations,
Theological stances for walls.
Debates, divides, denominations,
And Judgement for any who fall.
Others have learned how to soar,
On the wings of mercy and grace.
No longer the captives of internal war,
Fully alive with both purpose and place.
Don't live captured by everyday-guilt,
Nor shadowed or enslaved by shame
You are covered in His righteousness quilt,
And baptized through His beautiful name.
You're not a heretic because of your thinking,
Nor a heathen because of your doubts.
Your struggles do not mean you're sinking,
And your Father will not cast you out.
Seek first His Kingdom of living hope,
And keep your eyes fixed on above.
Remember no-one is beyond the scope
of His acceptance, mercy and love.
Masquerade Ball
I hope you’re enjoying your masquerade ball,
You’ve always longed for it after all.
Where everyone must wear a disguise,
With hollow words and covered eyes.
Bulletproof barriers around your heart,
Assuring that no-one can have a part.
The secrets of your mind enclosed,
Inside the place where nobody goes.
Once upon a time you let yourself love,
A girl who was bright with the light of the dove.
She took off her mask to look at you well,
And as time passed her prisons fell.
That girl had a fear of being betrayed,
Of you opening her then walking away.
But still she danced inside your embrace,
And trusted your aura of sensitive grace.
It didn’t take long for that aura to change,
Twenty-four hours for it all to go strange.
It wasn’t the change that caused love to die,
But the refusal to speak or to laugh or to cry.
The girl only wanted to show you her care,
To carry you with her support and a prayer.
But up shot those walls which had started to fall,
Turns out you weren’t so prepared after all;
For someone to walk with you from day to day,
And help chase the evil and fear far away.
Better to stay in control was your thought,
And the consideration you gave to her heart was nought.
So now you’re living your farce of a life,
With smiles on your face and a heart full of strife.
You better hold tight to your sense of success,
Because soon comes the day when all you repress,
Will surface in one big tangled up mess,
And you will once again long for that girl,
To gently console you and brighten your world.
But she has been trying to fill up the space
That you left when you vanished without a trace.
And the hurt she was caused cannot be explained,
But she has learned how to close up once again.
She would love to enwrap you in warmth and light,
But she has forgotten how to let up the fight.
So the next time you want to enter inside,
The sign on her heart will read ‘Access Denied’.
You’ve always longed for it after all.
Where everyone must wear a disguise,
With hollow words and covered eyes.
Bulletproof barriers around your heart,
Assuring that no-one can have a part.
The secrets of your mind enclosed,
Inside the place where nobody goes.
Once upon a time you let yourself love,
A girl who was bright with the light of the dove.
She took off her mask to look at you well,
And as time passed her prisons fell.
That girl had a fear of being betrayed,
Of you opening her then walking away.
But still she danced inside your embrace,
And trusted your aura of sensitive grace.
It didn’t take long for that aura to change,
Twenty-four hours for it all to go strange.
It wasn’t the change that caused love to die,
But the refusal to speak or to laugh or to cry.
The girl only wanted to show you her care,
To carry you with her support and a prayer.
But up shot those walls which had started to fall,
Turns out you weren’t so prepared after all;
For someone to walk with you from day to day,
And help chase the evil and fear far away.
Better to stay in control was your thought,
And the consideration you gave to her heart was nought.
So now you’re living your farce of a life,
With smiles on your face and a heart full of strife.
You better hold tight to your sense of success,
Because soon comes the day when all you repress,
Will surface in one big tangled up mess,
And you will once again long for that girl,
To gently console you and brighten your world.
But she has been trying to fill up the space
That you left when you vanished without a trace.
And the hurt she was caused cannot be explained,
But she has learned how to close up once again.
She would love to enwrap you in warmth and light,
But she has forgotten how to let up the fight.
So the next time you want to enter inside,
The sign on her heart will read ‘Access Denied’.
The Rocks
I hope you’re happy,
With your confused embrace
And the way you carry yourself.
May you delight
In the hurt you’ve caused
That you fail to realise
Or choose to ignore.
Or worse... maliciously intended.
Oh tell me please,
Do you get butterflies
When he holds your hand?
Do you see the future
With him by your side?
Dear girl, where are your senses?
You look so different now.
Who are you?
To run away
Is one of life’s greatest tragedies.
People get scared.
You frightened yourself.
You couldn’t be ruled by your heart,
So it’s better
To wreck someone else’s.
Smash!
Shatter.
The loss of hope,
Could be the title of a song,
The theme of a poem,
Or the reality of this situation.
If this array of beauty
Could collapse like a lung,
And explode like a nuclear bomb,
Then what hope is left
For humanity?
Is there victory in the end?
Does anybody know anybody?
Selfish desire are pursued after all.
With your confused embrace
And the way you carry yourself.
May you delight
In the hurt you’ve caused
That you fail to realise
Or choose to ignore.
Or worse... maliciously intended.
Oh tell me please,
Do you get butterflies
When he holds your hand?
Do you see the future
With him by your side?
Dear girl, where are your senses?
You look so different now.
Who are you?
To run away
Is one of life’s greatest tragedies.
People get scared.
You frightened yourself.
You couldn’t be ruled by your heart,
So it’s better
To wreck someone else’s.
Smash!
Shatter.
The loss of hope,
Could be the title of a song,
The theme of a poem,
Or the reality of this situation.
If this array of beauty
Could collapse like a lung,
And explode like a nuclear bomb,
Then what hope is left
For humanity?
Is there victory in the end?
Does anybody know anybody?
Selfish desire are pursued after all.
There is a girl
There is a girl
Who lays down like a sunset
And glows with the
most beautiful purple haze.
She shimmers in and out
of reality
And dances on the blue
reflection of the ocean.
Her home moves along all the rainbows
And her garden lies
Buried in the snow.
People throw love at her,
And she can’t seem to tell
whether these loveballs are
gifts or weapons.
To heal or to harm?
The universe melts all around her
Like chocolate in the summertime.
She tastes like rainbow skittles
And looks like a white rose.
Her scent is better
than coffee or perfume.
She is still so likable.
But she folds like a letter
And seals like an envelope.
Just as a re-sealable packet,
she won’t stay open for too long.
This girl is soft as a marshmallow
And hard as nails.
She falls like little drops of rain
That look like tears
But they’re just water.
I can see pictures in her
Like I see in the clouds.
Her smile is like
the brightest sunrise,
And her words soothe much more than
the strongest cup of morning coffee.
She will enter your world for a little while,
But her world
Is not your world.
Your heart is not her home.
And when she vaporizes into the sky,
you won’t find her,
until the next magnificent sunset.
Who lays down like a sunset
And glows with the
most beautiful purple haze.
She shimmers in and out
of reality
And dances on the blue
reflection of the ocean.
Her home moves along all the rainbows
And her garden lies
Buried in the snow.
People throw love at her,
And she can’t seem to tell
whether these loveballs are
gifts or weapons.
To heal or to harm?
The universe melts all around her
Like chocolate in the summertime.
She tastes like rainbow skittles
And looks like a white rose.
Her scent is better
than coffee or perfume.
She is still so likable.
But she folds like a letter
And seals like an envelope.
Just as a re-sealable packet,
she won’t stay open for too long.
This girl is soft as a marshmallow
And hard as nails.
She falls like little drops of rain
That look like tears
But they’re just water.
I can see pictures in her
Like I see in the clouds.
Her smile is like
the brightest sunrise,
And her words soothe much more than
the strongest cup of morning coffee.
She will enter your world for a little while,
But her world
Is not your world.
Your heart is not her home.
And when she vaporizes into the sky,
you won’t find her,
until the next magnificent sunset.
Wednesday, 16 December 2009
Poem - Hallelujah to The God
Pretty much the sequel to "The Pharisee Game".
TITLE: HALLELUJAH TO THE GOD
Can everyone break into
A loud resounding chorus
Of hallelujahs?
No they can’t
Because they were told not to sing
Until they surrendered
To a different tune
With different lyrics.
Hallelujah to the God
Who sent His Son to die
For him but not him,
For her but not her.
Hallelujah to the God
Who says love thy neighbour,
Except for that one.
Hallelujah to the God
Who prefers one denomination
Over another.
Hallelujah to the God
Who can be boxed in
And understood by human intelligence.
Hallelujah to the God
Who brings oppression
And fear.
Hallelujah to the God
Of the Pharisees.
Well I am sorry,
But I cannot
And will not
Sing this song.
Hallelujah to the God
Of Unconditional love.
Hallelujah to the God
Of peace and reconciliation.
Hallelujah to the God
Who brings life in all its fullness.
Hallelujah to the God
Who works for the good of His children.
Hallelujah to the God
Who brings freedom.
Hallelujah to the God
Who builds one church.
Hallelujah to the God
Of rich and poor
Old and young
Male and female
Gay and straight
Of every tribe
And tongue
And nation.
Of the global North
And global South.
Hallelujah to the God
Who says Come as your are
From wherever you are
And find rest for your soul.
Hallelujah to THE God.
TITLE: HALLELUJAH TO THE GOD
Can everyone break into
A loud resounding chorus
Of hallelujahs?
No they can’t
Because they were told not to sing
Until they surrendered
To a different tune
With different lyrics.
Hallelujah to the God
Who sent His Son to die
For him but not him,
For her but not her.
Hallelujah to the God
Who says love thy neighbour,
Except for that one.
Hallelujah to the God
Who prefers one denomination
Over another.
Hallelujah to the God
Who can be boxed in
And understood by human intelligence.
Hallelujah to the God
Who brings oppression
And fear.
Hallelujah to the God
Of the Pharisees.
Well I am sorry,
But I cannot
And will not
Sing this song.
Hallelujah to the God
Of Unconditional love.
Hallelujah to the God
Of peace and reconciliation.
Hallelujah to the God
Who brings life in all its fullness.
Hallelujah to the God
Who works for the good of His children.
Hallelujah to the God
Who brings freedom.
Hallelujah to the God
Who builds one church.
Hallelujah to the God
Of rich and poor
Old and young
Male and female
Gay and straight
Of every tribe
And tongue
And nation.
Of the global North
And global South.
Hallelujah to the God
Who says Come as your are
From wherever you are
And find rest for your soul.
Hallelujah to THE God.
Poem - The Pharisee Game
It's a passion of mine to reclaim the word 'reform' when it comes to Churches in Northern Ireland. A total 're-look' at what Jesus prioritised and what He criticised. And above all this, how he loved people. The following poem was written both out of frustration at how people are treated and hurt, but also out of hope that there are genuine hearts seeking to love.
Just because you can't comprehend it,
Doesn't mean you're free to condemn it.
Don't act the expert on what you don't know,
And stop putting on this authority show.
It's not all about what you think or perceive,
And the truth doesn't stop at what you believe.
Let's see if you can open your mind
To accept those of a 'different kind'.
And don't try to 'fix' them or 'pray it away',
Just invite them in and ask them to stay.
You see externals but God sees the heart,
Of the bigger picture we see only a part.
Jesus paid it all so that no-one should die,
And they could know God and have eternal life.
But we evangelicals rebuild the walls
That keep people out of God's 'Kingdom for All'.
The doctrines and rules of our denominations
Is breaking down God-with-human relations.
Jesus said people who love come from God,
So I can't help but find it a little bit odd,
That many who know the grace of the Cross,
More quickly condemn and leave people lost.
What's more important at the end of the day;
The state of their souls or the fact that they're gay?
Your priorities seem a bit off to me,
When Jesus came to set people free.
Free from all sin, all guilt and all shame,
But you keep playing the Pharisee game.
You let your debatable point of view
Warp what is undeniably true.
That Jesus loves all without any condition,
And he made a way out of perdition.
I'm pleading with you to open your eyes,
And to be His disciples and answer the cries,
Of the outcast, the broken, the poor and alone
Don't be the ones to keep throwing stones.
This side of heaven you won't know in full,
So just place yourself in His hands as a tool,
That by your hands and feet His will can be done,
And through your heart His Kingdom will come.
Just because you can't comprehend it,
Doesn't mean you're free to condemn it.
Don't act the expert on what you don't know,
And stop putting on this authority show.
It's not all about what you think or perceive,
And the truth doesn't stop at what you believe.
Let's see if you can open your mind
To accept those of a 'different kind'.
And don't try to 'fix' them or 'pray it away',
Just invite them in and ask them to stay.
You see externals but God sees the heart,
Of the bigger picture we see only a part.
Jesus paid it all so that no-one should die,
And they could know God and have eternal life.
But we evangelicals rebuild the walls
That keep people out of God's 'Kingdom for All'.
The doctrines and rules of our denominations
Is breaking down God-with-human relations.
Jesus said people who love come from God,
So I can't help but find it a little bit odd,
That many who know the grace of the Cross,
More quickly condemn and leave people lost.
What's more important at the end of the day;
The state of their souls or the fact that they're gay?
Your priorities seem a bit off to me,
When Jesus came to set people free.
Free from all sin, all guilt and all shame,
But you keep playing the Pharisee game.
You let your debatable point of view
Warp what is undeniably true.
That Jesus loves all without any condition,
And he made a way out of perdition.
I'm pleading with you to open your eyes,
And to be His disciples and answer the cries,
Of the outcast, the broken, the poor and alone
Don't be the ones to keep throwing stones.
This side of heaven you won't know in full,
So just place yourself in His hands as a tool,
That by your hands and feet His will can be done,
And through your heart His Kingdom will come.
Friday, 19 June 2009
Larry Norman - Woman Of God
I have been touched by this poem, so thought I would share it with anyone who would choose to read it... It's called Woman of God by Larry Norman.
I need a woman who doesn't take drugs or mess with men,
Believes the Bible and despises sin,
Lifts me up instead of knocking me down
Follows God instead of running around.
I need a woman who's kind and true
I haven't found her but until I do,
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
A woman with a righteous heart.
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
Who doesn't easily fall apart.
I need a woman who knows the measure of what she's worth
Stores up treasure but not on earth.
Seeks God's will in all that's done,
And keeps her eyes on the holy one.
I need a woman who's kind and true
I haven't found her but until I do,
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
A woman with a righteous heart.
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
Who doesn't easily fall apart.
spoken:
The Bible says - a good wife, who can find?
She's more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband is glad in her
She clothes her children in purple;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She is known among the people in the city
And her children shall rise up and call her blessed.
I'm looking for a woman of God,
A woman with a righteous heart.
You know, I'm looking for a woman of God,
Who doesn't easily fall apart.
I need a woman who doesn't take drugs or mess with men,
Believes the Bible and despises sin,
Lifts me up instead of knocking me down
Follows God instead of running around.
I need a woman who's kind and true
I haven't found her but until I do,
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
A woman with a righteous heart.
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
Who doesn't easily fall apart.
I need a woman who knows the measure of what she's worth
Stores up treasure but not on earth.
Seeks God's will in all that's done,
And keeps her eyes on the holy one.
I need a woman who's kind and true
I haven't found her but until I do,
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
A woman with a righteous heart.
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
Who doesn't easily fall apart.
spoken:
The Bible says - a good wife, who can find?
She's more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband is glad in her
She clothes her children in purple;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She is known among the people in the city
And her children shall rise up and call her blessed.
I'm looking for a woman of God,
A woman with a righteous heart.
You know, I'm looking for a woman of God,
Who doesn't easily fall apart.
Tuesday, 19 May 2009
Relationships, questions, hopes and frustrations.
Relationships have been on my mind in a somewhat objective way. I have so many thoughts, perspectives, questions and comments. I haven't been able to make coherant sense of them yet, so I doubt writing a blog about them is going to bring any more clarity, but here goes anyway...
Firstly, why has the spontanaeity gone right out the window, particularly in Christian circles?! Everything seems to have become so cautious and serious. Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with caution and it is very important not to wear one's heart on one's sleeve, but we are verging on ridiculous. Relationships seem to be at two extreme ends of the scale - either too cautious to be spontaneous or fun, or else people just do not know how to treat each other and break hearts all over the place. What is happening to us?! Whatever happened to good old-fashioned Saturday night dates with laughter, excitement, the pleasure of being walked home? Getting to know one another without the questions of immediate commitment weighing on one shoulder or the fear of being totally abused, hurt and mistreated weighing on the other?! In no way do I mean it is okay to go out with lots of people at once, or kiss random people. If anyone tried to argue against the danger of these things I would suggest they get their glasses checked... but I'm talking about not being afraid to feel things and enjoy the company of each other, and if it develops in a healthy, safe and enjoyable way then great!
Why does so much go unsaid? Honestly, how is anybody meant to get anywhere if nobody is honest. By all means, it's important for people to take their time and figure out if they feel anything and so on, but there comes a point when it should just be put out there. It should not be all about deciphering games. I have to admit I'm pretty traditional on the point that in guy-girl relationships I do feel it should be the guy taking the first steps here - but in a moment of honesty, I genuinely don't know if this is because I actually believe this is the way it should be, or because I would not want to put myself in that position vulnerable to rejection. Sorry guys... girls don't mean to put you there either. We're just under the misconception that you're less scared.
It seems that the careful people (who don't break hearts on purpose) need to get everything in life completely sorted before letting anybody else in. They have to know exactly what they want in a life-partner (which I'm afraid to say, is problematic enough as it is!) and they have to know what they are doing with their futures (which I'm sorry, but God could upturn at any moment). It's like they have to go through so much of the journey before letting someone else join them, rather than letting somebody journey with them (and this is where the beauty is!). There is never gong to be a guarantee that it is all going to go smoothly or work out perfectly, but would it not be better to figure it out together? There is so much about relationships that should be figred out OUTSIDE of them (with the help of mentors, friends, Bible, books etc) but there is a lot that also can only be figured out IN them. Since when did entering a relationship become 'taking the plunge', 'jumping off a cliff', 'walking on hot coals'? Could we be any more negative about something that is actually awesome?!
Another thought I have however is that so many people are trying to find satisfaction for their souls in relationships, and this is undeniably one of the most dangerous elements of relationships there could ever be. They are walking into them without giving it much thought at all, they are giving their partners the place of God in their lives and acting like they're married at far too young an age/far too early a stage in the relationship. If you expect another person to fill the eternal spaces in your soul, they are always going to fall short. Another human being cannot 'complete' you and you are expecting far too much from them if this is what you want. A relationship is about building each other up in love and enjoying the parts of life that you find beautiful together, as well as helpng each other through the pains and trials. It is about supporting one another, not fulfilling one another. There is only One able to fill your soul... and when this relationship is good, the relationships we have here on earth can be healthy and have another wonderful dimension.
Why are we so afraid of each other and ourselves? Why can we not let someone in? Why is that position of vulnerability one of the scariest places to be? And how do we get over it? Why do past hurts leave such callouses? Why does the future have to be so fixed in our minds before it even begins? Why do we use God as an excuse to shut people out or hurt their hearts? And why at other times do we not even consult God?
Here's to enjoying life to the full...
Here's to not leaving things left unsaid...
Here's to not being afraid...
Here's to allowing somebody else to reach our hearts while we let God hold us...
Here's to journeying together...
Here's to FUN...
Here's to relationships...
J
Firstly, why has the spontanaeity gone right out the window, particularly in Christian circles?! Everything seems to have become so cautious and serious. Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with caution and it is very important not to wear one's heart on one's sleeve, but we are verging on ridiculous. Relationships seem to be at two extreme ends of the scale - either too cautious to be spontaneous or fun, or else people just do not know how to treat each other and break hearts all over the place. What is happening to us?! Whatever happened to good old-fashioned Saturday night dates with laughter, excitement, the pleasure of being walked home? Getting to know one another without the questions of immediate commitment weighing on one shoulder or the fear of being totally abused, hurt and mistreated weighing on the other?! In no way do I mean it is okay to go out with lots of people at once, or kiss random people. If anyone tried to argue against the danger of these things I would suggest they get their glasses checked... but I'm talking about not being afraid to feel things and enjoy the company of each other, and if it develops in a healthy, safe and enjoyable way then great!
Why does so much go unsaid? Honestly, how is anybody meant to get anywhere if nobody is honest. By all means, it's important for people to take their time and figure out if they feel anything and so on, but there comes a point when it should just be put out there. It should not be all about deciphering games. I have to admit I'm pretty traditional on the point that in guy-girl relationships I do feel it should be the guy taking the first steps here - but in a moment of honesty, I genuinely don't know if this is because I actually believe this is the way it should be, or because I would not want to put myself in that position vulnerable to rejection. Sorry guys... girls don't mean to put you there either. We're just under the misconception that you're less scared.
It seems that the careful people (who don't break hearts on purpose) need to get everything in life completely sorted before letting anybody else in. They have to know exactly what they want in a life-partner (which I'm afraid to say, is problematic enough as it is!) and they have to know what they are doing with their futures (which I'm sorry, but God could upturn at any moment). It's like they have to go through so much of the journey before letting someone else join them, rather than letting somebody journey with them (and this is where the beauty is!). There is never gong to be a guarantee that it is all going to go smoothly or work out perfectly, but would it not be better to figure it out together? There is so much about relationships that should be figred out OUTSIDE of them (with the help of mentors, friends, Bible, books etc) but there is a lot that also can only be figured out IN them. Since when did entering a relationship become 'taking the plunge', 'jumping off a cliff', 'walking on hot coals'? Could we be any more negative about something that is actually awesome?!
Another thought I have however is that so many people are trying to find satisfaction for their souls in relationships, and this is undeniably one of the most dangerous elements of relationships there could ever be. They are walking into them without giving it much thought at all, they are giving their partners the place of God in their lives and acting like they're married at far too young an age/far too early a stage in the relationship. If you expect another person to fill the eternal spaces in your soul, they are always going to fall short. Another human being cannot 'complete' you and you are expecting far too much from them if this is what you want. A relationship is about building each other up in love and enjoying the parts of life that you find beautiful together, as well as helpng each other through the pains and trials. It is about supporting one another, not fulfilling one another. There is only One able to fill your soul... and when this relationship is good, the relationships we have here on earth can be healthy and have another wonderful dimension.
Why are we so afraid of each other and ourselves? Why can we not let someone in? Why is that position of vulnerability one of the scariest places to be? And how do we get over it? Why do past hurts leave such callouses? Why does the future have to be so fixed in our minds before it even begins? Why do we use God as an excuse to shut people out or hurt their hearts? And why at other times do we not even consult God?
Here's to enjoying life to the full...
Here's to not leaving things left unsaid...
Here's to not being afraid...
Here's to allowing somebody else to reach our hearts while we let God hold us...
Here's to journeying together...
Here's to FUN...
Here's to relationships...
J
Thursday, 14 May 2009
Justifyably frustrated
I have one week and one day left of final year in uni, and it has taken me to reach these last few weeks to see the inequalities and various issues. I have witnessed discrimination within the marking systems for one particular module I have been doing. And I know this goes beyond this module... one supervisor told me at the beginning of the year that last year, she would have given one girl 68 (highest 2.1 queens give) for her dissertation... but that girl failed!!! How is that even possible? Very frustrating working hard to know that your work could simply fall into the hands of somebody who either doesn't like you or your style of work, and to know this could impact upon the grade given is somewhat unnerving. For an institution that is supposed to be 'upstanding', the level of institutional integrity that I have witnessed over the past while is questionable, to say the least. I absolutely cannot wait until friday 22nd may at 11.30am when I will be finished with Queens forever. I plan on having the most enjoyable summer yet!!! And these past few weeks have confirmed for me that I really want to work with an organisation that tackles issues of inequality and discrimination. Over and out, J
Wednesday, 1 April 2009
Skeletons In My Closet
The skeletons in my closet
Are no secret to myself,
But they are working their way out.
Time and time again
They catch me by surprise
And turn everything wrong-side-up,
And upside-down.
Logic turns to liquid,
And righteousness to sinfulness.
When the world starts making sense again,
They show up
With their haunting laughter,
Taunting me with “I told you so”,
Leading me to that all-too-familiar friend
Anxiety.
Who I wish I’d never met.
One day extracts a smile
While another extracts my well-being.
You serve as a reminder
Of my capacity to get things wrong;
And my deep, regretful apology for that.
Please take the handcuffs off,
And loosen up the throat-hold.
Because the more the law-enforcing skeletons
Remind me of my guilt,
The more I hold myself in contempt.
Show me how to forgive myself,
As I have been forgiven.
Are no secret to myself,
But they are working their way out.
Time and time again
They catch me by surprise
And turn everything wrong-side-up,
And upside-down.
Logic turns to liquid,
And righteousness to sinfulness.
When the world starts making sense again,
They show up
With their haunting laughter,
Taunting me with “I told you so”,
Leading me to that all-too-familiar friend
Anxiety.
Who I wish I’d never met.
One day extracts a smile
While another extracts my well-being.
You serve as a reminder
Of my capacity to get things wrong;
And my deep, regretful apology for that.
Please take the handcuffs off,
And loosen up the throat-hold.
Because the more the law-enforcing skeletons
Remind me of my guilt,
The more I hold myself in contempt.
Show me how to forgive myself,
As I have been forgiven.
Of The Heart.
Emotions are Rife
Hearts are being held out for the taking,
And the breaking.
Prolonged glances
Become wishes, desires;
Adventurous and deviant, but pure.
Long conversations
Are being interpreted as
Long, lost loves.
Oh how we settle for less than our hearts deserve.
But then
Our blackened hearts do not
Deserve much after all.
So we will suffer the loss
And cope with the pain
Until such a time when we are no longer alone.
The sun will shine
On such a day.
I must wish you well,
And bid you adieu.
To avoid falling deeper
In love with you.
Hearts are being held out for the taking,
And the breaking.
Prolonged glances
Become wishes, desires;
Adventurous and deviant, but pure.
Long conversations
Are being interpreted as
Long, lost loves.
Oh how we settle for less than our hearts deserve.
But then
Our blackened hearts do not
Deserve much after all.
So we will suffer the loss
And cope with the pain
Until such a time when we are no longer alone.
The sun will shine
On such a day.
I must wish you well,
And bid you adieu.
To avoid falling deeper
In love with you.
Daughter
My beautiful daughter,
Tenderly I speak to you
To say
Your conflict is over.
The price has been paid
For every wrong thought, word and deed.
I do not hold you in contempt.
I have forgiven you completely,
And I love you
Unconditionally.
I do not like to see you
So upset.
The flow of this weeping river
Formed by your tears
Must be replaced
By my endless water of refreshment.
I came to you that you might know
Freedom.
From sin,
Guilt,
Shame.
That you could live, move and have your being
In the rhythm of our hearts beating together.
Let me walk you through
Green pastures.
And along the paths that are
Good for you.
Let us enjoy this journey,
Together.
When I am with you, for you, around you;
Who can be against you?
I will protect you,
Lead you and guide you.
I will defend you,
Deliver you,
And sing lovingly over you.
Don’t listen to those words
Of accusation.
Those words are not from me.
I have clothed you in robes of righteousness.
I have cleansed you.
I have covered what was crimson,
With purity as white as snow.
Listen to my truth,
And my truth shall set you free.
Tenderly I speak to you
To say
Your conflict is over.
The price has been paid
For every wrong thought, word and deed.
I do not hold you in contempt.
I have forgiven you completely,
And I love you
Unconditionally.
I do not like to see you
So upset.
The flow of this weeping river
Formed by your tears
Must be replaced
By my endless water of refreshment.
I came to you that you might know
Freedom.
From sin,
Guilt,
Shame.
That you could live, move and have your being
In the rhythm of our hearts beating together.
Let me walk you through
Green pastures.
And along the paths that are
Good for you.
Let us enjoy this journey,
Together.
When I am with you, for you, around you;
Who can be against you?
I will protect you,
Lead you and guide you.
I will defend you,
Deliver you,
And sing lovingly over you.
Don’t listen to those words
Of accusation.
Those words are not from me.
I have clothed you in robes of righteousness.
I have cleansed you.
I have covered what was crimson,
With purity as white as snow.
Listen to my truth,
And my truth shall set you free.
Enwrapped By What I Hate
It’s hard to tell what’s going on with me,
When I cannot even grasp reality.
I don’t want to be governed by my heart,
But my rationale can’t find where to start.
I remember days when I was better,
I prioritized well – I was so together.
But due to circumstances, everything changes,
And now I go through life feeling deranged,
For my condition there’s no obvious cure;
Spiritually rich but emotionally poor.
I crave acceptance that just will not be,
If I allow people to truly know me.
The danger of course is that I put on a mask –
Each morning this is my very first task.
I ignore the very core of my need,
But my pretence, entrapment and anguish I’ll feed.
I know this has seemed like a sorry tale,
The truth that I simply cannot be real.
Yet I hope for the day when in spite of the crowd,
I can unravel my heart, and of it, be proud.
When I cannot even grasp reality.
I don’t want to be governed by my heart,
But my rationale can’t find where to start.
I remember days when I was better,
I prioritized well – I was so together.
But due to circumstances, everything changes,
And now I go through life feeling deranged,
For my condition there’s no obvious cure;
Spiritually rich but emotionally poor.
I crave acceptance that just will not be,
If I allow people to truly know me.
The danger of course is that I put on a mask –
Each morning this is my very first task.
I ignore the very core of my need,
But my pretence, entrapment and anguish I’ll feed.
I know this has seemed like a sorry tale,
The truth that I simply cannot be real.
Yet I hope for the day when in spite of the crowd,
I can unravel my heart, and of it, be proud.
Thursday, 26 March 2009
Friday, 28 November 2008
Poem: I Saturate Myself In You
Title - I Saturate Myself In You
My fear is dressed up in fabrics of exhilaration,
And underlying anxiety hopes you won’t notice,
As I saturate myself in you.
Sunlight favourably aims towards you,
As you beautifully radiate its’ rays.
And I am captivated by you.
Your hand gently glides over your coffee-cup,
So intently caressing in its’ movement;
I would dearly love to hold it.
Eyes so penetrating in their gaze,
Making difficulty simple, eroding all my walls –
Look at me once more.
I’m aware that I’m riding on the back of danger,
Bareback into the depths of the unknown,
But it’s all to know you.
The world could fall apart from underneath me,
And the waves consume the highest mountains,
I would still remain in you.
All my attempts to get past you have failed,
And my thoughts refuse to be directed elsewhere,
They’re delightedly fixed on you.
So I allow myself to be rendered senseless,
And permit you to be my fatal distraction,
As I saturate myself in you.
My fear is dressed up in fabrics of exhilaration,
And underlying anxiety hopes you won’t notice,
As I saturate myself in you.
Sunlight favourably aims towards you,
As you beautifully radiate its’ rays.
And I am captivated by you.
Your hand gently glides over your coffee-cup,
So intently caressing in its’ movement;
I would dearly love to hold it.
Eyes so penetrating in their gaze,
Making difficulty simple, eroding all my walls –
Look at me once more.
I’m aware that I’m riding on the back of danger,
Bareback into the depths of the unknown,
But it’s all to know you.
The world could fall apart from underneath me,
And the waves consume the highest mountains,
I would still remain in you.
All my attempts to get past you have failed,
And my thoughts refuse to be directed elsewhere,
They’re delightedly fixed on you.
So I allow myself to be rendered senseless,
And permit you to be my fatal distraction,
As I saturate myself in you.
Poem: "Apathy"
Title: Apathy
This Apathy
Is eating me,
Releasing me,
Seizing me.
I’m not free
From Apathy;
It’s haunting me,
Flaunting me,
Like pathology,
And cutting me.
But Apathy
Is psychology
That lies to me,
Numbing me.
The irony
Of Apathy.
This Apathy
Is eating me,
Releasing me,
Seizing me.
I’m not free
From Apathy;
It’s haunting me,
Flaunting me,
Like pathology,
And cutting me.
But Apathy
Is psychology
That lies to me,
Numbing me.
The irony
Of Apathy.
Poem: "Juxtaposition Manipulation"
Note: Playing with metaphors is hilarious!
TITLE: JUXTAPOSITION MANIPULATION
Inside of me there’s a big blue box
With lots of trinket hopes,
And courage as little toy soldiers
Showing me the ropes.
A rag-doll the symbol of my fear,
Her tangled hair, my life.
She hides behind the slinky dog
To better suppress my strife.
My lust is the fire engine,
It’s usually quite tame;
But once in a while the siren rings,
And traps me in the game.
The cliché teddy bear for love
With his penetrating smile –
Radiating warmth and joy
In his elementary style.
The box, it holds so many toys,
In metaphorical wonder.
I continue to permit my mind,
To rest a bit, and ponder.
TITLE: JUXTAPOSITION MANIPULATION
Inside of me there’s a big blue box
With lots of trinket hopes,
And courage as little toy soldiers
Showing me the ropes.
A rag-doll the symbol of my fear,
Her tangled hair, my life.
She hides behind the slinky dog
To better suppress my strife.
My lust is the fire engine,
It’s usually quite tame;
But once in a while the siren rings,
And traps me in the game.
The cliché teddy bear for love
With his penetrating smile –
Radiating warmth and joy
In his elementary style.
The box, it holds so many toys,
In metaphorical wonder.
I continue to permit my mind,
To rest a bit, and ponder.
Poem: "The Affects of Perfection"
Title: The Affects of Perfection
Hanging by a thread
It’s already breaking
Can’t silence my head
Foundations are shaking
Moving so fast
And nearing a wall
Losing my grasp
So close to the fall
The standard is high
Too high to achieve
It’s pressure time now
A struggle to breathe
The balancing scales
Are unequally yoked
Reason was jailed
And tranquillity broke
I need some perspective
To simply get by
But I can’t be objective
The river is dry
I need to believe
That it will all work out
But the push to achieve
Fuels the drought
The nights are long
The future is closed
Confidence gone
Anxiety grows.
Hanging by a thread
It’s already breaking
Can’t silence my head
Foundations are shaking
Moving so fast
And nearing a wall
Losing my grasp
So close to the fall
The standard is high
Too high to achieve
It’s pressure time now
A struggle to breathe
The balancing scales
Are unequally yoked
Reason was jailed
And tranquillity broke
I need some perspective
To simply get by
But I can’t be objective
The river is dry
I need to believe
That it will all work out
But the push to achieve
Fuels the drought
The nights are long
The future is closed
Confidence gone
Anxiety grows.
Poem: "The Loss Of Something Not Quite Mine"
Note: The right person can always extract some love poetry...
Title - The Loss of Something not Quite Mine
Expressions are lonely and exasperated,
And the latest desire is a cup of frothy coffee,
With a relationship to go.
Imaginations are proactive and romantic,
In the midst of a let-me-down world
And a bed half empty.
Dreams are covering up the heartache,
Replacing it with the misplaced hope of tomorrow,
Mixed with a tub of cookie-dough.
There was something in your gentle, unassuming manner,
That caught hold of my immediate attention.
Those eyes were captivating.
The fears and futures that we distracted ourselves with,
Caused the enemy theory of not-meant-to-be.
What a theoretical joke!
The ironic beauty of universal truthfulness,
That all we need is the love of another,
And we fight to disagree.
Yet here we find ourselves, alone in the night,
The sickening, yet comforting joy of success through the day,
And regret in the morning.
It is not often that I find myself amidst such brutal honesty,
That I would sacrifice it all for your hand gripping mine,
You would have been worth it.
I never considered it possible to experience such an intense
sense of loss regarding something that was never mine.
But I miss you.
Title - The Loss of Something not Quite Mine
Expressions are lonely and exasperated,
And the latest desire is a cup of frothy coffee,
With a relationship to go.
Imaginations are proactive and romantic,
In the midst of a let-me-down world
And a bed half empty.
Dreams are covering up the heartache,
Replacing it with the misplaced hope of tomorrow,
Mixed with a tub of cookie-dough.
There was something in your gentle, unassuming manner,
That caught hold of my immediate attention.
Those eyes were captivating.
The fears and futures that we distracted ourselves with,
Caused the enemy theory of not-meant-to-be.
What a theoretical joke!
The ironic beauty of universal truthfulness,
That all we need is the love of another,
And we fight to disagree.
Yet here we find ourselves, alone in the night,
The sickening, yet comforting joy of success through the day,
And regret in the morning.
It is not often that I find myself amidst such brutal honesty,
That I would sacrifice it all for your hand gripping mine,
You would have been worth it.
I never considered it possible to experience such an intense
sense of loss regarding something that was never mine.
But I miss you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
