Ramblings, revolution and rubbish.

The Art of Understanding

2010-06-01T17:10:00.001-07:00

The Art of Understanding

I have to be honest with you,
I didn’t get it.
Not at all.
Not even a little bit.
But I tried an ancient trick of old.
Of New.
Of talking to the One who has always been
And always will be.
The one who knows all things;
The portrait of Revelation.
I asked and cried and probed and questioned.
I sought and ran,
Dug and buried.
Running baths to cleanse my soul,
And to spend some time
In everlasting water.
I found some peace.
A little bit of healing.
And a lot of understanding.
Bitterness turned to lemonade
And malice to empathy.
Frustrations are working they way
Towards forgiveness.
Strawberry Jelly takes a while to set.
Step by step,
Inside the One who is Love at its’ finest.
So many nights you spent,
hurting yourself to cope,
longing for a bit of freedom.
A release from being so alone.
Your strength was your weakness,
And your weakness, your strength.
Control at any cost.
You know your Father’s name,
And he increases your bank balance.
How you wish he would increase
your sense of self,
your sense of ‘loveability’.
Oh how that would increse
your love-ability!
You and your mum are bezzies.
What a laugh you have!
Pity you won’t let her
see your night-time tears.
You join in with her feminist rants,
And watch the odd TV programme.
Do you know she loves you?
Where oh where did your assurance
Run to...
That relationship you had
At oh so young an age
Was called manipulation.
Used and abused and misused and confused.
Played for a fool.
You quickly learned how to stop caring.
Took up the building profession, didn’t you?
Everyone everywhere envy your walls.
Or do they just stare at them in
Astonishment and dismay?
The Israelites longed for freedom.
Slaves no longer.
But it was too big a risk -
They longed for the familiar.
No wonder when you find yourself
Amidst the good.
The great.
The godly.
The gracious...
You run.
And long for the familiar.
It hurts, but you can harden yourself.
You’ve learned it,
So you can control it.
You didn’t understand those green pastures too well.
So in this ancient old-new tradion,
Of speaking to Love,
I will hope unswervingly that you find them again,
Regardless of my seeing it or not.
Notice the grace.
Learn the new place that is available for you.
Strawberry jelly takes a while to set.
Bless your soul.

Beyond Modern Religion

2010-06-01T17:08:00.003-07:00

Beyond Modern Religion

Storing up so many things,
Underneath my barricade-heart.
Often feeling so unhinged,
At a loss with where to start.

Perhaps there is no starting point,
More a mesh of views and thoughts.
In all ways so intricately joint,
Ideas desiring to be caught.

Writing in a consumerist age,
Modern-capital as a foundation.
Ranting of flaws on my objectives page,
Of what might be holy frustrations.

Everything is boxed and labelled and sold,
Even people, beliefs and God.
Loss of reality to a system of cold,
religious, modern, material fraud.

There is still hope, all is not lost,
The Kingdom of justice prevails.
Blessed are those who search for truth,
They find freedom through wood and nails.

Some must have doctrinal foundations,
Theological stances for walls.
Debates, divides, denominations,
And Judgement for any who fall.

Others have learned how to soar,
On the wings of mercy and grace.
No longer the captives of internal war,
Fully alive with both purpose and place.

Don't live captured by everyday-guilt,
Nor shadowed or enslaved by shame
You are covered in His righteousness quilt,
And baptized through His beautiful name.

You're not a heretic because of your thinking,
Nor a heathen because of your doubts.
Your struggles do not mean you're sinking,
And your Father will not cast you out.

Seek first His Kingdom of living hope,
And keep your eyes fixed on above.
Remember no-one is beyond the scope
of His acceptance, mercy and love.

Masquerade Ball

2010-06-01T17:08:00.001-07:00

I hope you’re enjoying your masquerade ball,
You’ve always longed for it after all.
Where everyone must wear a disguise,
With hollow words and covered eyes.
Bulletproof barriers around your heart,
Assuring that no-one can have a part.
The secrets of your mind enclosed,
Inside the place where nobody goes.
Once upon a time you let yourself love,
A girl who was bright with the light of the dove.
She took off her mask to look at you well,
And as time passed her prisons fell.
That girl had a fear of being betrayed,
Of you opening her then walking away.
But still she danced inside your embrace,
And trusted your aura of sensitive grace.
It didn’t take long for that aura to change,
Twenty-four hours for it all to go strange.
It wasn’t the change that caused love to die,
But the refusal to speak or to laugh or to cry.
The girl only wanted to show you her care,
To carry you with her support and a prayer.
But up shot those walls which had started to fall,
Turns out you weren’t so prepared after all;
For someone to walk with you from day to day,
And help chase the evil and fear far away.
Better to stay in control was your thought,
And the consideration you gave to her heart was nought.
So now you’re living your farce of a life,
With smiles on your face and a heart full of strife.
You better hold tight to your sense of success,
Because soon comes the day when all you repress,
Will surface in one big tangled up mess,
And you will once again long for that girl,
To gently console you and brighten your world.
But she has been trying to fill up the space
That you left when you vanished without a trace.
And the hurt she was caused cannot be explained,
But she has learned how to close up once again.
She would love to enwrap you in warmth and light,
But she has forgotten how to let up the fight.
So the next time you want to enter inside,
The sign on her heart will read ‘Access Denied’.

The Rocks

2010-06-01T17:05:00.000-07:00

I hope you’re happy,
With your confused embrace
And the way you carry yourself.
May you delight
In the hurt you’ve caused
That you fail to realise

Or choose to ignore.

Or worse... maliciously intended.

Oh tell me please,
Do you get butterflies
When he holds your hand?
Do you see the future
With him by your side?

Dear girl, where are your senses?

You look so different now.
Who are you?

To run away
Is one of life’s greatest tragedies.
People get scared.
You frightened yourself.
You couldn’t be ruled by your heart,
So it’s better
To wreck someone else’s.

Smash!

Shatter.

The loss of hope,
Could be the title of a song,
The theme of a poem,
Or the reality of this situation.
If this array of beauty
Could collapse like a lung,
And explode like a nuclear bomb,
Then what hope is left
For humanity?

Is there victory in the end?

Does anybody know anybody?

Selfish desire are pursued after all.

There is a girl

2010-06-01T17:04:00.000-07:00

There is a girl
Who lays down like a sunset
And glows with the
most beautiful purple haze.
She shimmers in and out
of reality
And dances on the blue
reflection of the ocean.
Her home moves along all the rainbows
And her garden lies
Buried in the snow.
People throw love at her,
And she can’t seem to tell
whether these loveballs are
gifts or weapons.
To heal or to harm?
The universe melts all around her
Like chocolate in the summertime.
She tastes like rainbow skittles
And looks like a white rose.
Her scent is better
than coffee or perfume.
She is still so likable.
But she folds like a letter
And seals like an envelope.
Just as a re-sealable packet,
she won’t stay open for too long.
This girl is soft as a marshmallow
And hard as nails.
She falls like little drops of rain
That look like tears
But they’re just water.
I can see pictures in her
Like I see in the clouds.
Her smile is like
the brightest sunrise,
And her words soothe much more than
the strongest cup of morning coffee.
She will enter your world for a little while,
But her world
Is not your world.
Your heart is not her home.
And when she vaporizes into the sky,
you won’t find her,
until the next magnificent sunset.

Poem - Hallelujah to The God

2009-12-16T04:13:00.000-08:00

Pretty much the sequel to "The Pharisee Game".

TITLE: HALLELUJAH TO THE GOD

Can everyone break into
A loud resounding chorus
Of hallelujahs?

No they can’t

Because they were told not to sing
Until they surrendered
To a different tune
With different lyrics.

Hallelujah to the God
Who sent His Son to die
For him but not him,
For her but not her.

Hallelujah to the God
Who says love thy neighbour,
Except for that one.

Hallelujah to the God
Who prefers one denomination
Over another.

Hallelujah to the God
Who can be boxed in
And understood by human intelligence.

Hallelujah to the God
Who brings oppression
And fear.

Hallelujah to the God
Of the Pharisees.

Well I am sorry,
But I cannot
And will not
Sing this song.

Hallelujah to the God
Of Unconditional love.

Hallelujah to the God
Of peace and reconciliation.

Hallelujah to the God
Who brings life in all its fullness.

Hallelujah to the God
Who works for the good of His children.

Hallelujah to the God
Who brings freedom.

Hallelujah to the God
Who builds one church.

Hallelujah to the God
Of rich and poor
Old and young
Male and female
Gay and straight
Of every tribe
And tongue
And nation.
Of the global North
And global South.
Hallelujah to the God
Who says Come as your are
From wherever you are
And find rest for your soul.

Hallelujah to THE God.

Poem - The Pharisee Game

2009-12-16T04:10:00.000-08:00

It's a passion of mine to reclaim the word 'reform' when it comes to Churches in Northern Ireland. A total 're-look' at what Jesus prioritised and what He criticised. And above all this, how he loved people. The following poem was written both out of frustration at how people are treated and hurt, but also out of hope that there are genuine hearts seeking to love.

Just because you can't comprehend it,
Doesn't mean you're free to condemn it.
Don't act the expert on what you don't know,
And stop putting on this authority show.
It's not all about what you think or perceive,
And the truth doesn't stop at what you believe.
Let's see if you can open your mind
To accept those of a 'different kind'.
And don't try to 'fix' them or 'pray it away',
Just invite them in and ask them to stay.
You see externals but God sees the heart,
Of the bigger picture we see only a part.
Jesus paid it all so that no-one should die,
And they could know God and have eternal life.
But we evangelicals rebuild the walls
That keep people out of God's 'Kingdom for All'.
The doctrines and rules of our denominations
Is breaking down God-with-human relations.
Jesus said people who love come from God,
So I can't help but find it a little bit odd,
That many who know the grace of the Cross,
More quickly condemn and leave people lost.
What's more important at the end of the day;
The state of their souls or the fact that they're gay?
Your priorities seem a bit off to me,
When Jesus came to set people free.
Free from all sin, all guilt and all shame,
But you keep playing the Pharisee game.
You let your debatable point of view
Warp what is undeniably true.
That Jesus loves all without any condition,
And he made a way out of perdition.
I'm pleading with you to open your eyes,
And to be His disciples and answer the cries,
Of the outcast, the broken, the poor and alone
Don't be the ones to keep throwing stones.
This side of heaven you won't know in full,
So just place yourself in His hands as a tool,
That by your hands and feet His will can be done,
And through your heart His Kingdom will come.

Larry Norman - Woman Of God

2009-06-19T09:56:00.000-07:00

I have been touched by this poem, so thought I would share it with anyone who would choose to read it... It's called Woman of God by Larry Norman.

I need a woman who doesn't take drugs or mess with men,
Believes the Bible and despises sin,
Lifts me up instead of knocking me down
Follows God instead of running around.
I need a woman who's kind and true
I haven't found her but until I do,

I'll be looking for a woman of God,
A woman with a righteous heart.
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
Who doesn't easily fall apart.

I need a woman who knows the measure of what she's worth
Stores up treasure but not on earth.
Seeks God's will in all that's done,
And keeps her eyes on the holy one.
I need a woman who's kind and true
I haven't found her but until I do,

I'll be looking for a woman of God,
A woman with a righteous heart.
I'll be looking for a woman of God,
Who doesn't easily fall apart.

spoken:
The Bible says - a good wife, who can find?
She's more precious than jewels.
The heart of her husband is glad in her
She clothes her children in purple;
Her lamp does not go out at night.
She is known among the people in the city
And her children shall rise up and call her blessed.

I'm looking for a woman of God,
A woman with a righteous heart.
You know, I'm looking for a woman of God,
Who doesn't easily fall apart.

Relationships, questions, hopes and frustrations.

2009-05-19T00:18:00.001-07:00

Relationships have been on my mind in a somewhat objective way. I have so many thoughts, perspectives, questions and comments. I haven't been able to make coherant sense of them yet, so I doubt writing a blog about them is going to bring any more clarity, but here goes anyway...

Firstly, why has the spontanaeity gone right out the window, particularly in Christian circles?! Everything seems to have become so cautious and serious. Don't get me wrong, I completely agree with caution and it is very important not to wear one's heart on one's sleeve, but we are verging on ridiculous. Relationships seem to be at two extreme ends of the scale - either too cautious to be spontaneous or fun, or else people just do not know how to treat each other and break hearts all over the place. What is happening to us?! Whatever happened to good old-fashioned Saturday night dates with laughter, excitement, the pleasure of being walked home? Getting to know one another without the questions of immediate commitment weighing on one shoulder or the fear of being totally abused, hurt and mistreated weighing on the other?! In no way do I mean it is okay to go out with lots of people at once, or kiss random people. If anyone tried to argue against the danger of these things I would suggest they get their glasses checked... but I'm talking about not being afraid to feel things and enjoy the company of each other, and if it develops in a healthy, safe and enjoyable way then great!

Why does so much go unsaid? Honestly, how is anybody meant to get anywhere if nobody is honest. By all means, it's important for people to take their time and figure out if they feel anything and so on, but there comes a point when it should just be put out there. It should not be all about deciphering games. I have to admit I'm pretty traditional on the point that in guy-girl relationships I do feel it should be the guy taking the first steps here - but in a moment of honesty, I genuinely don't know if this is because I actually believe this is the way it should be, or because I would not want to put myself in that position vulnerable to rejection. Sorry guys... girls don't mean to put you there either. We're just under the misconception that you're less scared.

It seems that the careful people (who don't break hearts on purpose) need to get everything in life completely sorted before letting anybody else in. They have to know exactly what they want in a life-partner (which I'm afraid to say, is problematic enough as it is!) and they have to know what they are doing with their futures (which I'm sorry, but God could upturn at any moment). It's like they have to go through so much of the journey before letting someone else join them, rather than letting somebody journey with them (and this is where the beauty is!). There is never gong to be a guarantee that it is all going to go smoothly or work out perfectly, but would it not be better to figure it out together? There is so much about relationships that should be figred out OUTSIDE of them (with the help of mentors, friends, Bible, books etc) but there is a lot that also can only be figured out IN them. Since when did entering a relationship become 'taking the plunge', 'jumping off a cliff', 'walking on hot coals'? Could we be any more negative about something that is actually awesome?!

Another thought I have however is that so many people are trying to find satisfaction for their souls in relationships, and this is undeniably one of the most dangerous elements of relationships there could ever be. They are walking into them without giving it much thought at all, they are giving their partners the place of God in their lives and acting like they're married at far too young an age/far too early a stage in the relationship. If you expect another person to fill the eternal spaces in your soul, they are always going to fall short. Another human being cannot 'complete' you and you are expecting far too much from them if this is what you want. A relationship is about building each other up in love and enjoying the parts of life that you find beautiful together, as well as helpng each other through the pains and trials. It is about supporting one another, not fulfilling one another. There is only One able to fill your soul... and when this relationship is good, the relationships we have here on earth can be healthy and have another wonderful dimension.

Why are we so afraid of each other and ourselves? Why can we not let someone in? Why is that position of vulnerability one of the scariest places to be? And how do we get over it? Why do past hurts leave such callouses? Why does the future have to be so fixed in our minds before it even begins? Why do we use God as an excuse to shut people out or hurt their hearts? And why at other times do we not even consult God?

Here's to enjoying life to the full...
Here's to not leaving things left unsaid...
Here's to not being afraid...
Here's to allowing somebody else to reach our hearts while we let God hold us...
Here's to journeying together...
Here's to FUN...
Here's to relationships...

J

Justifyably frustrated

2009-05-14T03:02:00.000-07:00

I have one week and one day left of final year in uni, and it has taken me to reach these last few weeks to see the inequalities and various issues. I have witnessed discrimination within the marking systems for one particular module I have been doing. And I know this goes beyond this module... one supervisor told me at the beginning of the year that last year, she would have given one girl 68 (highest 2.1 queens give) for her dissertation... but that girl failed!!! How is that even possible? Very frustrating working hard to know that your work could simply fall into the hands of somebody who either doesn't like you or your style of work, and to know this could impact upon the grade given is somewhat unnerving. For an institution that is supposed to be 'upstanding', the level of institutional integrity that I have witnessed over the past while is questionable, to say the least. I absolutely cannot wait until friday 22nd may at 11.30am when I will be finished with Queens forever. I plan on having the most enjoyable summer yet!!! And these past few weeks have confirmed for me that I really want to work with an organisation that tackles issues of inequality and discrimination. Over and out, J

Skeletons In My Closet

2009-04-01T07:18:00.000-07:00

The skeletons in my closet
Are no secret to myself,
But they are working their way out.
Time and time again
They catch me by surprise
And turn everything wrong-side-up,
And upside-down.
Logic turns to liquid,
And righteousness to sinfulness.
When the world starts making sense again,
They show up
With their haunting laughter,
Taunting me with “I told you so”,
Leading me to that all-too-familiar friend
Anxiety.
Who I wish I’d never met.
One day extracts a smile
While another extracts my well-being.
You serve as a reminder
Of my capacity to get things wrong;
And my deep, regretful apology for that.
Please take the handcuffs off,
And loosen up the throat-hold.
Because the more the law-enforcing skeletons
Remind me of my guilt,
The more I hold myself in contempt.
Show me how to forgive myself,
As I have been forgiven.

Of The Heart.

2009-04-01T07:17:00.003-07:00

Emotions are Rife
Hearts are being held out for the taking,
And the breaking.
Prolonged glances
Become wishes, desires;
Adventurous and deviant, but pure.
Long conversations
Are being interpreted as
Long, lost loves.
Oh how we settle for less than our hearts deserve.
But then
Our blackened hearts do not
Deserve much after all.
So we will suffer the loss
And cope with the pain
Until such a time when we are no longer alone.
The sun will shine
On such a day.
I must wish you well,
And bid you adieu.
To avoid falling deeper
In love with you.

Daughter

2009-04-01T07:17:00.001-07:00

My beautiful daughter,
Tenderly I speak to you
To say
Your conflict is over.
The price has been paid
For every wrong thought, word and deed.
I do not hold you in contempt.
I have forgiven you completely,
And I love you
Unconditionally.
I do not like to see you
So upset.
The flow of this weeping river
Formed by your tears
Must be replaced
By my endless water of refreshment.
I came to you that you might know
Freedom.
From sin,
Guilt,
Shame.
That you could live, move and have your being
In the rhythm of our hearts beating together.
Let me walk you through
Green pastures.
And along the paths that are
Good for you.
Let us enjoy this journey,
Together.
When I am with you, for you, around you;
Who can be against you?
I will protect you,
Lead you and guide you.
I will defend you,
Deliver you,
And sing lovingly over you.
Don’t listen to those words
Of accusation.
Those words are not from me.
I have clothed you in robes of righteousness.
I have cleansed you.
I have covered what was crimson,
With purity as white as snow.
Listen to my truth,
And my truth shall set you free.

Enwrapped By What I Hate

2009-04-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

It’s hard to tell what’s going on with me,
When I cannot even grasp reality.
I don’t want to be governed by my heart,
But my rationale can’t find where to start.

I remember days when I was better,
I prioritized well – I was so together.
But due to circumstances, everything changes,
And now I go through life feeling deranged,

For my condition there’s no obvious cure;
Spiritually rich but emotionally poor.
I crave acceptance that just will not be,
If I allow people to truly know me.

The danger of course is that I put on a mask –
Each morning this is my very first task.
I ignore the very core of my need,
But my pretence, entrapment and anguish I’ll feed.

I know this has seemed like a sorry tale,
The truth that I simply cannot be real.
Yet I hope for the day when in spite of the crowd,
I can unravel my heart, and of it, be proud.

A simple truth

2009-03-26T08:27:00.000-07:00

One who is forgiven much, loves much.
One who is forgiven little, loves little.

Poem: I Saturate Myself In You

2008-11-28T13:25:00.001-08:00

Title - I Saturate Myself In You

My fear is dressed up in fabrics of exhilaration,
And underlying anxiety hopes you won’t notice,
As I saturate myself in you.

Sunlight favourably aims towards you,
As you beautifully radiate its’ rays.
And I am captivated by you.

Your hand gently glides over your coffee-cup,
So intently caressing in its’ movement;
I would dearly love to hold it.

Eyes so penetrating in their gaze,
Making difficulty simple, eroding all my walls –
Look at me once more.

I’m aware that I’m riding on the back of danger,
Bareback into the depths of the unknown,
But it’s all to know you.

The world could fall apart from underneath me,
And the waves consume the highest mountains,
I would still remain in you.

All my attempts to get past you have failed,
And my thoughts refuse to be directed elsewhere,
They’re delightedly fixed on you.

So I allow myself to be rendered senseless,
And permit you to be my fatal distraction,
As I saturate myself in you.

Poem: "Apathy"

2008-11-28T13:22:00.002-08:00

Title: Apathy

This Apathy
Is eating me,
Releasing me,
Seizing me.
I’m not free
From Apathy;
It’s haunting me,
Flaunting me,
Like pathology,
And cutting me.
But Apathy
Is psychology
That lies to me,
Numbing me.
The irony
Of Apathy.

Poem: "Juxtaposition Manipulation"

2008-11-28T13:22:00.001-08:00

Note: Playing with metaphors is hilarious!

TITLE: JUXTAPOSITION MANIPULATION

Inside of me there’s a big blue box
With lots of trinket hopes,
And courage as little toy soldiers
Showing me the ropes.
A rag-doll the symbol of my fear,
Her tangled hair, my life.
She hides behind the slinky dog
To better suppress my strife.
My lust is the fire engine,
It’s usually quite tame;
But once in a while the siren rings,
And traps me in the game.
The cliché teddy bear for love
With his penetrating smile –
Radiating warmth and joy
In his elementary style.
The box, it holds so many toys,
In metaphorical wonder.
I continue to permit my mind,
To rest a bit, and ponder.

Poem: "The Affects of Perfection"

2008-11-28T13:19:00.000-08:00

Title: The Affects of Perfection

Hanging by a thread
It’s already breaking
Can’t silence my head
Foundations are shaking
Moving so fast
And nearing a wall
Losing my grasp
So close to the fall
The standard is high
Too high to achieve
It’s pressure time now
A struggle to breathe
The balancing scales
Are unequally yoked
Reason was jailed
And tranquillity broke
I need some perspective
To simply get by
But I can’t be objective
The river is dry
I need to believe
That it will all work out
But the push to achieve
Fuels the drought
The nights are long
The future is closed
Confidence gone
Anxiety grows.

Poem: "The Loss Of Something Not Quite Mine"

2008-11-28T13:16:00.000-08:00

Note: The right person can always extract some love poetry...

Title - The Loss of Something not Quite Mine

Expressions are lonely and exasperated,
And the latest desire is a cup of frothy coffee,
With a relationship to go.

Imaginations are proactive and romantic,
In the midst of a let-me-down world
And a bed half empty.

Dreams are covering up the heartache,
Replacing it with the misplaced hope of tomorrow,
Mixed with a tub of cookie-dough.

There was something in your gentle, unassuming manner,
That caught hold of my immediate attention.
Those eyes were captivating.

The fears and futures that we distracted ourselves with,
Caused the enemy theory of not-meant-to-be.
What a theoretical joke!

The ironic beauty of universal truthfulness,
That all we need is the love of another,
And we fight to disagree.

Yet here we find ourselves, alone in the night,
The sickening, yet comforting joy of success through the day,
And regret in the morning.

It is not often that I find myself amidst such brutal honesty,
That I would sacrifice it all for your hand gripping mine,
You would have been worth it.

I never considered it possible to experience such an intense
sense of loss regarding something that was never mine.
But I miss you.

"All we need is love"

2008-09-26T14:34:00.001-07:00

It is a great human tragedy that the heart desires the love of another.

This may sound like a generalisation. Some may deny that they even have such a desire. I don't know what the greater tragedy is... to have such a deep need for another, or to be so hardened to refuse the existence of such a need.

I find myself frustrated with the fact that I fight myself so extremely to cause my key focuses to be on 'important' things such as my career and defending the 'right' side of morality, yet the depths of my heart cry for the conventions of love, and denied-preparations to sacrifice for it.

I have also been disheartened at the ability of some to admit yet supress this desire within themselves, and to successfully convince themselves that other issues are of greater importance at the current moment, where as I seem to be plagued by my inability to do so, yet the necessity of pretending that I can.

I very rarely find myself in moments of brutal honesty such as this, so this writing will pose as proof when I return to the pretentious, make-belief world of "I-don't-need-to-be-loved-by-him."

2008-08-27T02:28:00.000-07:00

I went to Uganda. I recieved a taster of what real joy is in the attitudes of the people there. I had the privilege of witnessing real faith. I am challenged to stop placing some of my joy in material things that don't last, and rather to place it fully in Jesus... and to love my friends and family with everything I have within me.

In the words of Robin Mark:
"When it's all been said and done
There is just one thing that matters;
Did I do my best to live for truth?
Did I live my life for You?"

Integrity

2008-07-31T02:06:00.000-07:00

Integrity is who you are when no-one's watching.

Poem: EMPTY FRAME

2008-07-28T15:44:00.000-07:00

I wrote this poem after walking into topshop and the first thing I saw was a 'size zero' model with her shirt open. I got so frustrated with the norms and ideals the media and this world create. We need to stop being driven by such ridiculous rubbish and start naming and claiming the beautiful truths about ourselves, and recognise what is most important.

TITLE: EMPTY FRAME

Constructed, Deconstructed
Through a fashionable ideal.

A bone structure?
A shrine of her
Upon a frame
In a window-pane.
A standard set,
She won't forget,
And sleepless nights,
Internal fights.
Mirror glances,
Cheap romances,
Native lies
And smile disguises.
One named disorder,
A new world order
Of image queens,
Size zero jeans.
Idolatry,
She can't be free.
To be alive
Is just to strive.
Danger chills,
Vitamin pills.
Purging, binging,
Never winning.
Lying, starving,
Penance-carving.
What went wrong?
I'll sing a song
Of light and love
Sent from above.
Of life and hope,
And strength to cope.
He broke the chains,
And heals the pain.
He came to die,
To crush the lies,
Defeating death,
The heart's next breath.
Don't live deceived,
In Him believe.
Taste and see,
And be set free -
By enduring truth.
You're living proof
That there is more
Worth living for.
So you remain,
Before that frame,
And you can choose
To win or lose.
Break the glass -
This frame won't last.
In the King's domain,
It's an empty frame.
A brand new start,
A beating heart,
Pumping blood
Like a holy flood.
Yes, you're alive,
He's on your side.
You're in His care
And He'll be there,
In present-tense
Real life events.
So storm or calm,
The Great I AM
Will lead you on,
The battle is won.

Deconstructed, Reconstructed
Through a captivating truth.

Sacrificial Love

2008-06-04T08:57:00.000-07:00

Love is a sacrifice. Waow. I feel that this is not going to be one of those wonderfully eloquent pieces of writing, but this is something that has been on my heart and that I see as being very important.

Regardless of whether you are 'religious' or 'spiritual' or not, I ask you to consider this amazing biblical description of what love actually is. You have probably heard this countless times. Perhaps you're even growing bored of hearing it. I ask you to look at it now as if with new eyes...

1Corinthians13v4-7: Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.

Jeepers... love is about so much more than how I feel inside. Love is an active word. Love is sacrificial. Love is about considering the feelings, struggles, joys and situations of others. Love is about caring for others like we would long to be cared for. Love is about genuinely putting others before ourselves with NO ulterior motive... even if it means we have to be worse off because of it (yes it's big stuff!).

As much as I love discussing grand ideas and theorising etc, I'm not going to ramble around this subject for ages. The most important thing here is putting into practice the implications of sacrificial love. Oskar Schindler saved 1100 Jews during the holocaust by sheltering them through work within his factory. 'The good Samaritan' stopped to help the dying Jew (picture your WORST enemy, or someone you would feel seriously uncomfortable around - then picture them being the one to help you when you need it most - that is love). Jesus gave up his life to save people. I could list many more examples of extraordinary, sacrificial love... but I want you to think of what you could do as an act of sacrificial love.

Perhaps you need to sacrifice being so busy, and spend more quality time with your family.

Maybe you need to get up off your feelings of inadequacy and be there for that friend who needs you.

Maybe you need to start supporting the work of a charity.

Maybe you need to give up on your pride act and be more teachable, accept rebuke.

Perhaps you need to stop being so arrogant and try to see things from other points of view.

You've seen that boy or that girl who is in need of a friend, someone to take an interest... you could invite them out with you.

Perhaps you need to stop being so reckless with your money so that you can invest it in things that really matter.

Maybe you need to stop and speak to the people on our streets who are selling the big issue/belfast telegraph. I imagine a world where people are quicker to love than to judge.

Instead of crossing the street when you see a homeless person ahead, you could walk right up to them and take them for a sandwhich / buy them a coffee / have a chat.

Maybe you could actually start listening to your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife.

You might be quick to recognise when someone isn't sensitive to your feelings/desires... so instead of dwelling on how hard done by you are, make the effort to be a sensitive friend to others.

Maybe you're bitter or angry about something. Could you sacrifice your bitterness for forgiveness?

Only you know what would be best to begin with in terms of living a life of sacrificial love. I pray that you would be blessed in the process of learning to actually love your neighbour as yourself. Take the challenge.

Jx

Something Simple

2008-05-27T15:52:00.000-07:00

TITLE: YOU DIED
You died to yourself,
You died for me.
You died so that
The blind might see.
You died in pain,
The cross to bear.
You died alone,
God’s love to share.
You died in dark
To bring the light.
You died to defeat
The thief of the night.
You died as a sacrifice,
For all human sin.
You died to rise,
You died to win.

Complex Cobwebs

2008-05-12T12:32:00.000-07:00

Ours is an era of complexity. Individuals are influenced, engaged and indoctrinated by the conflicting, mixed array of images and messages that they are faced with each day. Hollywood’s clothing size double zero is painted as the new image of perfection, then young people are placed under controlled monitoring, and their emotional and mental stability is questioned if they adjust their diet in an attempt to attain the ‘perfect body’. Individuals who cut themselves are thought of as insane or suicidal, when perhaps, they are simply trying to keep control within a chaotic world. People have been known to completely defy the world’s understanding and hurt and starve themselves as penance for sin. The fashion industry is becoming a den of lions where people are no longer simply changing their outfits, but in reality, they are changing their very bodies. Beauty is indeed pain as the knife carves away what is unwanted and inserts what is desirable to meet the standard. We have seen political prisoners starve themselves for a cause they were prepared to lay down their lives for, and others strap bombs to themselves for the glory of their God. I am not talking about a series of dual or binary conflicts here. What I am referring to is the complex web of knowledge and understanding, of messages and beliefs, of opinions and disagreements, of captivity and freedom.

These words are not benign. These words are not approaching these difficult subjects for the first time, nor will they have the final say. These words are not covering everything that needs to be covered. But these words have power. When real issues are spoken about, written about and acted upon, there is power. I dare to be too personal, but I am prepared to take the risk as I say that regarding these issues, academia is merely a means to an end. Some things are simply too important to merely objectify. Let us embrace the words of Ghandi and take a look at ourselves, then be the change we want to see… “for the hope of liveable worlds.” (Quote by Anne Harroway)

J

Perspective.

2008-04-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

Every person, every story, every situation, every opinion, every ideology, every place, every thought, every feeling... Everything has a context. Sometimes we need to step outside our own in order to even begin to understand another. People are not people in the context of themselves, they are themselves in the context of others. Take a glance at that somebody's life who is behaving in a way that you disagree with, or is doing something that is confusing you, saddening you or frustrating you... except this time, try not to look from your own context or perspective, but from theirs. This is possibly one of the greatest acts of humility I can think of, and one of the most admirable, because it is one of the most difficult.

This is a journey.

A continuum.

It takes effort.

And purity of heart and motive.

Encourage joy in the lives of others. That is all.

Rambling about engaging with life.

2008-04-24T03:23:00.001-07:00

I demand a revolution, but I seem to talk in code most of the time. A revolution of what, you say... of thought, motive and deed, I say.

I would say you were my sweetest downfall, but could a downfall ever be sweet? I don't know.

I wish I had somebody to blame.

I am immersed in academia, but can I use any of it really? If it eventually gets the better of me, then it was all for nothing.

Engagement is my 'word of the week'. Engage with yourself - with your deepest passion, emotion, questions, creativity, knowledge and so on. Engage yourself with life - use these aspects of self to impact the world. Engage your heart with others - we are relational people, never meant to be alone. Alone we wither away. Engage your soul with God - it's why you were made, and this is not up for ridiculous, theological arguments.

Engage, Engage, Engage.

When you stop engaging, something is wrong. Things get dark. Life gets dull. The world gets scary. We get sad. Keep engaging.

Desire drives us. Desire is difficult. Desire can be leading, and misleading. It's all about perspective.

Poem: Kingdom Come

2008-04-24T01:59:00.000-07:00

My Child, do you love me?
Lord, You know I do.
Then feed my lambs, tend my sheep,
And believe what you know to be true.

This is no easy task I give you,
Let me tell you where to start:
You will have to let me search you,
And purify your heart.

This must be out of love for me,
Not profit for youself.
It could require great sacrifice,
But your soul will gain great wealth.

I give to you my Spirit,
And I will lead you in My Way;
From you I ask for willingness,
And a heart that will obey.

I'm letting you do my Kingdom Work
Of setting Captives free,
And discipling them in their freedom,
That they would grow in me.

I commission you to gather my flock
Underneath my Calvary Steeple;
And I equip you with peace and love,
To minister to the people.

So in, through and around you,
you will see my Kingdom Come.
And on earth just as in Heaven,
you will witness my will being done.

Poem: Love is Limitless, or Limited.

2008-04-14T15:42:00.000-07:00

In the midst of the winter sunshine,
She found herself wondering one of life’s greatest questions:
“Why do we limit love?”
It seems that it can only be
In a certain place
At a certain time
With a certain person
For a certain purpose.
But is not love greater than this?
And broader, and wider, and deeper?
It incorporates so much thought,
feeling, emotion and hope.
So she put on her sunglasses and observed
the people around her.
The children, the lovers, the friends.
She found herself smiling, and in that moment,
She wasn’t so afraid anymore;
Of course the fear would return,
And the asking,
And the doubting.
But she would always treasure that moment -
when she was free from captivity.

Poem:Down and Out

2008-04-14T15:40:00.000-07:00

She lay on the cold pavement on Botanic Avenue,
Sometimes the Ormeau Road,
Not that the name of the road is particularly relevant.
She is known to be talking - to herself, to God, to passers by;
Nobody is quite sure who exactly.
It has been speculated by those who pay any attention at all
That there is the possibility of insanity,
Or demonic possession.
My diag-nonsense is that this is what happens when the harshness of life
has its way.
When hopes are shattered and dreams turn to nightmares.
Who the hell would want to be part of the real world
When the real world is full of shit and darkness,
And the Kingdom of Hell reigns in the lives of the lonely,
And the hurting,
She used to be a nurse, she says, amidst barking and making her idiotic noises.
She speaks of her once-was-husband.
My heart is sore listening to her.
I can't restore her life.
I can only offer a listening ear and a cup of coffee for heat and stimulation.
Often I lie to myself, saying that this is enough,
And often I lie to myself, saying that it is not.
Why does nobody see her?
And why don't they see that by not seeing her,
they are enhancing the Kingdom of Hell on earth?
She was showing me her Christmas present from little Sophie the other day.
I want to clone Sophie's heart
And put one into each bitter, idiotic human being,
And how I wish I did not sound cynical.
God bless Sophie, who God-blessed Barbara.
Oh yes, Barbara is her name, if you are interested.
I imagine, however, that you are not
Like the rest of the desensitized people.
Perhaps it's not their fault.
No-one enjoys feeling pain, and it hurts when one's eyes are exposed to reality,
But how will anything ever change if few others see like Sophie?

Poem: Take Every Thought Captive

2008-04-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

Nobody could possibly understand the complexities,
The sporadic thoughts,
The illogical reasoning,
And the constant battles
Of my mind.
I have been told about the world,
The flesh,
The devil,
And God.
I feel particularly informed and observant
When it comes to each of them.
But I am helpless in the battle.
I try to wear the helmet of salvation,
But as much as it keeps danger out,
It keeps danger in.
Or else I am doing something wrong.
It is a little cage around my head.
I never was the type to easily accept anything,
Or to condemn or reject things I know nothing about.
So you see, I can't cage my mind.
It is not how I have been created.
But
I want to know the trick
To taking every thought captive.
If I could
I would capture each one with a mental net.
I want to know the method
Of taking those sporadic, illogical thoughts of mine,
And making them obedient
TO CHRIST.
Not to people.
Not to culture.
Not to churches,
Not even to theological interpretation.
To Christ.
But everyone reads with lenses and interprets accordingly,
So how is this possible?
Am I any different to the other religious ignoramuses?
I hate dogmatism.
What I know now in part,
Then I will know in full.
But until that day,
I will live to represent Him correctly,
By love, not judgement.
I will ask the questions
And I will seek the answers
Because the desire of my heart is for
The Glory of God
And the betterment of people.

Pride and barricades

2008-04-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

Pride is a good quality, until it becomes a wall.

Love is NOT self-seeking.

I would rather seek to create springs that encourage and enable people to jump, rather than bricks that inevitabley build walls (and keep people closed in, or keep people out).

Love is NOT self seeking.

Mahatma Ghandi says, "Be the change you want to see in the world." I want to see people loving each other without conditions. I want to see differences set aside. I want to see lonely people embraced. I want to see homeless people treated like actual human beings and NOT looked down upon. I want to see them spoken to, joked with, helped. I want to see people who do not fit into the 'status quo' accepted. I want to see the notion of the status quo abolished, and the ideas of 'normal' and 'abnormal' abandoned. I want to see narrow-minded people try their best to at least see situations from other angles, including myself with certain things. I want to see people enter journeys of self-discovery without fear. I want to see people desire to build their friends up, not tear shreds off them. I want to see cycles of destruction broken. I want to see the hungry fed. I want to see the naked clothed. I want to see captives set free. I want to see individuals choose to PROTECT, not abuse and destroy the hearts of others. I want to see people actually loving themselves and appreciating who they are rather than playing games of comparison and falling short. I want to see people encouraged regarding what they are passionate about. I want to see a better shift towards equal opportunities. I want to see strongholds broken. I want to see an end to domestic violence, child abuse, animal abuse, manipulation in the workplace, manipulation in general, mind games. I want to see people communicating more. I want to see atmospheres created where people are able to feel safe enough to be open and real. I want to see more appreciation of art, poetry, music and other creative and beautiful aspects of this world. I want to see Fair Trade become a way of trading, not a seperate sect. I want to see more 'free thinking' (at least as free as possible) and less indoctrination. I want to see more selflessness. I want to see a greater percentage of humanity being prepared to turn the other cheek. I want to see people (particularly those with 'religious convictions') be more willing to live in the gray areas and not be so determined to define everything as black or white. I want to see humanity learning from each other's differences, not bickering over them. I want to see Chruch denominations wise up. I want to see an end to reality TV exploitation. I want to see self-loathing countered and reversed. I want to see the suicide rate dropping. I want to see people TALKING about their struggles/issues. I want to see healthy control mechanisms developed and practiced. I want to see people realising their potential, and i don't want to see others blocking that realisation with insults. I want to witness more servant hearts in play. I want to see more functioning relationships. I want to see greater levels of committment. I want to see promises kept. I want lies to cease. I want to see humanity attempt to slow down/prevent global warming. I want to see healing processes (physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually) entered into without fear and developed. I want to see all children have a childhood. I want people to take the important things seriously, and know when to relax. I want to hear and experience more laughter. I want people to take off their masks. I want less pretense and more exposure. I want people to have reason to want to get out of bed in the morning. I want less corruption. I want people to experience a purposeful life - life in all abundancy. I want all of this and so much more. I realise that i need to be willing and prepared to be part of the change. I want to be the change i want to see in the world. I can only answer for myself. Call me an idealist and see if i care.

Love is NOT self seeking.

Love is patient and kind. It does not envy or boast and it is not proud. It does not delight in wrongs, but rejoices with the truth. It is not self-seeking. LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL.